finding myself?

I feel like i'm in a constant state of change. I've sort of been living in a hiatus "it'll do" situation for the past year, and I'm feeling really ready to start moving forward.

I've been thinking a lot with what i'm going to do when i finally move out of this house. I tried to leave in the summer, but everyone was pretty against the idea. so here i am. still here.

February is a few months away, but i feel like i sort of need a plan of action.

I'm thinking of buying a super small camper-style van, and living in it. alone. I think it'll be good for me, get away from roommates. get away from dependancies in people that i'm really starting to feel. Though, i must say, i feel like doing this is setting me in the opposite direction to where i want to be. I'd like to be stable. I'd like to be able to see a future in something. i'll be 30 in a few months, and i'm just getting further and further away from doing and being what i want. I think a lot about my time being with cud, and all the great things about it. Being happy and in a stable relationship, in a stable living environment, it left so much more time and energy to focus on other things. I was so much more productive musically. I had so much more time to have friends, my mom. There was a nice balance, because we just knew that we'd be there for each other, even if there were spurts of time where we didn't see a lot of each other.

It's nice to talk about having a future with someone.

This winter will be very interesting. Lots more changes. It's about time i started making decisions that will make ME happy, not everyone else.