cabin fever

Waiting through the hugest windstorm I've ever seen here. This is day 2. Trees are ready to rip outta the ground. So far, not too many casualties. A door left outside got smashed to bits, the chicken feed blew over. Everything's mostly just blowing around.
Last night was one of the most epic lunar eclipses in history. Only happens every few thousand years, or so I'm told. It also fell on solstice. Maybe that's why I feel so crazy these days..

I've got the worst cabin fever I think I've ever felt. Even with the big addition, the house feels so small, so crowded, even just for two people. I'm not sure sometimes if I need physical space, or emotional. It's hard to get your head on straight about a person when they're always around... sometimes space is the best thing. But not forced space, natural space. Not the kind you take, but the kind that's given to you.

I've got practice with Skurm tomorrow. That will surely help with this funk I'm in. Screaming always makes me feel better. And, I love us as a concept. Such an awesome group of solid guys.. I watch them all when we're practicing and smile to myself the whole time. Everyone is so amazing, and talented, and they're all such great friends. It just makes me wanna laugh out loud.

Drinking alone tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better?

building walls

So, cud and I framed in most of the interior walls last night. It was awesome.
We made all the front walls shorter, so there's space for the hot air to pass over the walls, heating the rooms. thinking about maybe leaving an open slit at the bottom of the walls as well, to help let the air circulate. so, cold air can go out underneath, hot air come in up top.
Still haven't decided what to cover the walls in. We're thinking maybe some plaster, some wood, some just cheap hardboard? hence, the sheets. it's nice just to hang them to break up the space.

milestones.

1. Stopped biting my lip.
I know this doesnt seem like a big deal, but five years ago it was this horrible habit i had. Id get stressed, and start chewing. Id chew and chew until my lower lip would bleed. Then it would start to heal over, all white and filmy, and id chew that off. Over and over. It was a mechanism for dealing with stress, like how i bite my nails, only worse. And it hurt. It would hurt soo bad when id start chewing, but i think the pain was reassuring somehow.
Its been five years. Thats something.
2. Panic attacks. I used to let everything build and build til i would just lose it. If start hyperventilating. Crying. I felt like i couldnt even speak.
Ten years.
3. Fear of commitment. I used to break up with every partner at the eight month mark. Religiously. It was a subconscious pattern i think. It took me a while to see what i was doing, and it took me even longer to stop and think before i ran.
Six years.

When times get rough, somwtimes its good to remind yourself how far youve come.

more photos... ??

ok. gravity fed water? rules.

some new photos>.?

Winter

Ive gotta admit, i was pretty nervous about the winter here. The stress of buying firewood when we re broke, will the house be warm enough? What about the roof?
Well, the roofs not done. We got as far as throwing our rubber liner on top, and thats it. Every week or two we have to get up there and pull it back in place. The wind here has been crazy. Theres still no insulation on it either, so we re losing a lot of heat through the roof. But, with the new woodstove, it seems like it might be ok. Despite the drips every now and again. We re relatively warm and dry. Roof in the spring? Sounds reasonable to me.
I was also worried about how feasable it would be to heat the house all the time. With our old, small stove, it needed wood every three or four hours. Every time we would go out for a bit, we'd come home to a cold damp house. The fire would always go out overnight as well, and itd take forever to get it startes again in the mornings. Our new stove, however, is awesome. I can leave it on slow burn for almost twelve hours without restoking it. It heats the place perfectly, even with all the insulation. So far, at least. Weve had a minus 7 with the windchill as our coldest day so far, so we'll see what the winter brings.
Its really lovely here in the winter actually. Calm and quiet. Beautiful snowy outside, toasty inside. We've been drinking lots of tea these past few weeks. Its so much more soothing than coffee. Ive also been painting more lately, which i love. And i just bought myself a banjo, so ive been mesmerized with that. Writing is new again with a fresh instrument. I have one new song to add to my three other banjo songs. Im thinking of releasing a banjo ep. Six songs maybe.
Its nice sometimes to break your own mold. Especially when its one youve cast yourself.

some pictures:
bubzee. winter. life.