a large part of the beauty of blogs is being able to look back at posts and track your emotions from day to day, week to week.

a few weeks ago i wrote about how happy i was, how things were great. how i have lots of happiness and friends. then the other day i wrote about how i had no real friends and was feeling unfulfilled.

it must be confusing, i know it is to me.

I think i'm just coming to a bit of a crossroads. my friends nolan and rae just visited this week, and it got me thinking about what i'm gonna do when my lease is up at this house February 1st. and what i'm gonna do with the cabin this winter. and what i wanna focus on in the next little bit. I'm feeling really flaily lately. it seems like i changed my mind about everything from day to day. i was really determined originally to get the cabin fully winterized and go back there this fall, but money's tight, and paying for all of that alone is really difficult, so i've come to the realization that that's not really gonna happen, and that this winter i'm not going to be living there.

so i'm left with all these completely different options:

i could go live with my mom for a couple of months, save up, and tough it out for a bit so i can focus on the cabin getting finished. Sacrifice fun and happiness for "gettin 'er done".

i could get an apartment in town by myself, but that would be very pricey and i definitely wouldn't be able to save up to work on the cabin. or even really have extra money after rent.

i could leave the island for at least the rest of the winter, maybe longer. Maybe go to Halifax, maybe just go wherever.

I just don't know what i want. I really don't want to continue having a lease. it sucks. i hate not having any freedom. i want to able to potentially live at the cabin at least in the warmer months without still having to pay rent in town for somewhere i won't be. I also miss my friends. I miss being really close to people.

I'm just not sure what to do, and although i have a few months to figure it out, i feel like it's going to take me at least that long to decide what i want.