today.

Had a great saturday today, oh my. Woke up early (well, like noon), and went to Long and McQuade... and bought a new drum kit! Words can't even describe how stoked I am about this. I'm hoping it will make me a real drummer someday. Here's a photo:

After that was a DATE! Sushi at Ta-ke. It was lovely, the food is great there. And it was nice to go out to eat somewhere sorta fancy. It's also nice to go on a date sometimes. I'm a bit of a romantic, i suppose.

Then we took the dogs to the dog park, which is always fun. And after that we had practice with Uncle. I was soo stoked to be able to play the new kit. I feel like it instantly makes me a better drummer? Anyways, we recorded practice. It's sort of inaudible really, but its up on our bandcamp if anyone wants to check it out:

www.uncle902.bandcamp.com

Other fun adventures today included a trip to petsmart, where i got piston a new dog bed (he loves to sleep, you know), a late night rashed's burger chow down, and a brief stop in at the Chisholms for a keg party before work at 11pm.

I feel fulfilled.

oh. oh. oh.

I just made it back from a week-long trip to the states. Eviction Party (yes, that band i was in in 2006 or something) have been playing these days, picking up momentum really, and have even released a new tape. It's all very bizarre and exciting, and todi and i are both dreamers, so it works out well.

It was such a great time. I met so many new friends and had an amazing time with everyone. I miss them all already, and i can't wait to plan our tour with Rubrics next summer.

It's really starting to feel like winter's over. While i was away there was a huge snowstorm here, but the snow's long been melted away, and the past two days have been almost tshirt weather.

I feel like I may have really jumped the gun on my garden this year. Two days of pre-mature mid-twenty degree weather found my seeds tucked away neatly in their nests of soil, and now the plants are almost three inches tall. I'm hoping they wont suffocate in their little trays before i can get them planted outside in the garden.

On the menu for this summers garden so far is: candy cane beets, golden beets, leeks, cucs, zucs, parsnips, chard, kale, and likely a few other greens further down the road. I also started some nasturtium seeds, which is exciting. They're lovely little edible flowers, and i've never grown them before.

Ellen got back to PEI from out west today. i can't believe it's been almost a year since i've seen her! oh my. It's nice to have her back. their cabin is looking amazing, and is very cozy. I also went and checked on my cabin, and it's doing very well also, much to my surprise. All the mouse traps are empty, and other than some yard cleanup, and it's great shape. I'm hoping to get a lot of work done out there this summer, but then again i said that last summer, so i guess we'll just have to see.

I'm still not sure if i'm going to keep my room in town this summer either. I love the idea of being out at the cabin, but, i really like the house and i don't want to lose that either. I think a lot of it will depend on where relationships go. Things with matt, things with ellen and pat, bands... where i seem to be spending most of my time. I dunno. I'm always so confused.

long goodbyes

Just made it back, hopefully intact, from a week long eviction party tour of the east coast. long drives and short visits. it was all a blur... filled with too much PBR and hash, short sleeps and solid shows. Thanks to everyone who helped us out along the way.

Small things turn me into a whirlwind of anxiety. too much paranoia and caffeine is probably the cause. I'm just trying to get over it and move on. But it's hard. I feel myself turning off somehow. closing up.

Having a week of simplicity was nice, but it makes the complications of day to day existence that much more overwhelming. Love, life, and relationships are trying at times. I need to learn to talk more about real things. I find myself inside my own head and i don't know how to get out, save for beer and cigarettes. My closest friends, and bitter enemies. They keep me quiet, and singing along, even when i don't know all the words.

Sometimes i feel though that i'm at a point in it all where i just shouldn't care anymore about the shit i can't change. "Give it back to the universe", as my friend Adam used to say. Words of wisdom i've never forgotten through it all.

It's been a bit of a rough week.

Broke out in a full body rash a couple of nights ago. Haven't gone to the Dr. about it (mostly due to listening to Matt, who never goes to the Dr. about anything). It's getting better, but i'm still going to the Dr. on friday. I think it's an allergic reaction. hmm. oh well. i keep getting new allergies. it's unfortunate. Maybe there's something I can take to fend off allergic reactions?

Eviction Party is going on tour on monday. i can't wait to get away for a week. it's much needed.

My truck died the other day. Not broke, but died. I'm pretty bummed. Makes being productive much more difficult. That truck was a terrible idea.

Alright. so enough complaining.

I'm looking for something to do/somewhere to go and/or live for a bit this spring or early summer. I need to stop settling for things.

the diving belle.

i did a photo shoot with my friend Matty B. from Overman (a jewelry company here in PEI) for his art show this month. the photo never went up in the end. Too much gossip, and inappropriate comments from men. Figures. Anyways, here's the final photo chosen from the shoot.

February.

I found an old photo of piston today, taken right after i first got him. I remember getting that picture, along with another of ben and i, for a christmas present from our friend Bridget. Somewhere along the line Ben smashed it in one of our arguments, and the second photo is missing. It's sad to think our relationship was like that. It's been so long since i've had to deal with those sorts of incidents. Makes me feel really lucky. I have a really sweet, understanding boyfriend. And i'm so appreciative of that.

We spent the afternoon decorating the house today. It was nice. Janette and Lonnie had caught a mouse at the cabin and tanned the hide. Then they gave it to me for my birthday. Such an amazing gift. Today I finally bought a frame for it. It looks brilliant.

the things you do for love.

It's a new year. I'm trying to find fresh beginnings here. Cleaning out the house in the efforts to bring on productivity. It looks like I'll be living here in this house a while longer, month to month this time. I feel good about it.

Many things have changed, turned sour, and some have even come full-circle again in the past few months. I've flailed hard, but managed to cause minimal damage. Losing trust in someone can make you crazy, and the only way to find that trust again is by maintaining a level state of mind. I'm working on it that part. Some days more so than others. I've never been the jealous type, but circumstance is everything. I try to keep my mouth shut, most of the time.

It's my thirtieth birthday in two days. I'm feeling more and more pressure to find myself, and figure out my future. What i want to achieve. I've lost myself more in the past year than i ever have in my adult life. I know the things that I want, more or less, but compromise for now with what's feasible. It seems defeatist to me, a lot of the time. I try not to get discouraged. Settling only gets you so far in obtaining your dreams. But, immediate happiness is also important, and fortunately (or unfortunately maybe), i find happiness in nooks and crannies just about anywhere if i really strain my eyes and focus. I've got things pretty alright right now. I've just got to remind myself sometimes.

Still, some days i fantasize about leaving here. Going back to Halifax. Or somewhere else. Just for a while. Not working and not paying rent. Living in a closet out of a backpack. Just for now. Just for a little while. It's not that i want to travel; it's more like i want to stay someplace, but just for a bit. Then, multiply that times ten. That's what i want sometimes.

The cabin is now officially empty. I feel as though I've failed that place somehow. Failed my dreams, in a way. Or at least put them on the back burner indefinitely. Dreams just lose meaning when you have no one to share them with, and I think i've just started to accept that. I love a boy who has different dreams than i do. I just haven't figured out what that means yet...